October 4th will always be a day that holds a lot
of significance for me. This is the day
my life changed. This is the day that I
dreaded for nearly 9 months prior. This is the day where my worst fears came
true. This is the day that showed me
that despite doing everything you were told to do (working out, eating healthy, losing
weight), it doesn't always mean it will work out in your favor. Yet… this is the day I TRULY became
healthy. For me, October 4th
will always be a day of dichotomy.
October 4th is the day I had a complete hysterectomy.
The first time I heard the words “endometrial cancer” and “complete
hysterectomy” and “lose weight”, I knew what I had to
do. Losing weight wasn't an option. Losing weight and getting healthy was my goal, my destination. My mom, who was there to support me,
and I joined Weight Watchers and together started our quest to get healthy. I was determined to lose weight and that’s
what I did. I felt the best I had as an
adult, yet my body was giving me a great big “f--- you.”
Fast forward to June... As we landed in Vegas for my cousin’s wedding, I turned on
my phone and got the message that the preventative measures to keep the cancer
from spreading to my uterus had not worked. I needed a complete
hysterectomy. As you can imagine, it was
a fantastic vacation.
So then with the additional poking and prodding of my body
and mind, it was time to prepare for surgery.
First up, my husband and I went through a fertility treatment, so we
were able to freeze some embryos, which was physically and emotionally one of
the most difficult things I have ever had to do (but this is another topic for
another day). Then it was time to
schedule and pre-test for surgery, ALWAYS a fun process.
On October 4th, I went to the hospital with my
husband and my mom. The plan was to have
the procedure done using the da Vinci surgical system. Thankfully the procedure
was minimally invasive. I was in the hospital for one night, out of work for
three weeks and generally had a quicker recovery.
After a successful surgery, the healing process began. Physically I was getting stronger and less
sore each day. Emotionally I didn't
always fare so well. Some days were
good. Most days weren't. I mourned for everything I lost; everything I knew
would no longer be possible. Ultimately
I was a seemingly healthy 27 year old female going through menopause and
feeling sorry for myself. It wasn't
until a doctor’s visit about a month after the surgery, where my thought
process changed. I made a comment “a
month since my hysterectomy”. My doctor turned to me and said “No. A month
since you are cancer free.”
Cancer free… Those two words were music to my ears. Those two words meant
that I was as healthy on the inside as I appeared on the outside. Those two words meant that I was given an
opportunity to live life… I mean truly live and even love life. I felt I had no other option, but to learn
from my experiences, to continue my weight loss journey and my journey to becoming
fitter and healthier. The hopeless
optimist in me believed that there had to be a purpose, a lesson in the
bad. It was up to me to garner the strength,
find the good and make a difference. Don’t
get me wrong, I still battle with days that are hard. There are still days that I feel sorry for
myself and wonder “why me?”, but those days happen less and less as time goes
on.
I would not be the person I am today without fighting that
battle with endometrial cancer. Cancer
gave me a life; I honestly wouldn't have found any other way. It is because of cancer that I have been successful.
It is because of cancer that I have lost weight. It is because of cancer that I
chose to get healthy. It is because of
cancer that you are reading this…
So today, the third anniversary of my surgery, I choose to
not mourn what I lost or wonder why me.
Today I choose to celebrate my strength.
Today I choose to celebrate my health.
Today I choose to celebrate life.
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